Alzheimer's: There are angels in this world

The journey with a loved one with Alzheimer’s is no easy task. I will admit there were many times I wanted to throw my hands up in despair. But today I want to share one defining moment that changed a tough trajectory and made all the difference in my Mom’s final few months of life.

We had a long list of caregivers over the years. My dad had been reluctant to get help, believing he could help my mom best. He was right in so many ways. I remember being that way when my daughter had colic as an infant. I did not want to leave her with other people, believing it was my job to hold her through this screamy time. In retrospect I wish I had gotten more help and allowed others to take a turn.  I ended up strung out and worn out. And truth be told, Alicia was going to scream with colic til it ran its course no matter what.

Dad desperately wanted to do everything himself, but my brother and I finally convinced him he could be his best for Mom if he got some regular support.

Dad started with overnight help so he could get a little uninterrupted rest and respite. He had so much to handle during the day and eventually brought in some daytime caregivers. It is hard to adequately explain how difficult and exhausting it is to be the main caregiver for someone with dementia.  

We had some stellar home help over the years, some tolerable helpers and some downright awful ones. My mom needed constant attention; panic and fear wreaked havoc. My dad slowly built a very solid slate of caregivers who came regularly. But as schools closed and fears about exposure to COVID increased, he lost those he had relied on one by one.  

During the latter part of the pandemic we made the difficult decision to put Mom in memory care. Her decline and the lack of available, quality care forced our hand.

She moved in during lockdown in the late winter/early spring. Things went fairly well for a while. Then we  hit a very rough stretch where Mom made several trips to the emergency room with challenging behaviors and potential health issues. 

She needed more one-on-one care. I reached out to our amazing geriatric social worker, desperate.

Cue the Hallmark music. Seriously. Enter an angel named Yana.

I have always told Yana that I believe God cut a hole in a cloud and dropped her through. Due to a series of incidents in her own life, Yana was available at the moment our social worker called.  

The bond between Yana and my mother was instant. They became fast friends. Mom would listen to Yana when she could not tolerate anyone else.

I love a wonderful quote by Dr. Seuss that I went back again and again over Mom’s years with dementia: “To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.” 

Dad was that to Mom, and Yana was that to her as well. Dementia is a very individual disease and requires very individual care.  

We had several other angels along Mom’s dementia journey, more than I can list here.  They made a positive impact in many ways, and I will always be in their debt.

Yana’s gentle and steady daily presence with my mom in those final months made a world of difference.  Knowing Yana was with Mom gave my dad peace, which eased my brother and me.

If all caregivers were like Yana, the world of dementia would be a better place.

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